Has anybody ever really wished that they can could just provide dating applications? Wouldn’t that make things far more easy?
I’m totally serious.
These are questions I would ask:
-Do you’ve any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you to be a potential mate- though, not understanding your children’s name, ages, or if the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)
-Do you’ve any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.
-Do you’ve got any borderline insane ex-girlfriends which will continue to turn up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?
-What about general skeletons with your emotional closet which can be just expecting the perfect time to show themselves?
-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you which will threaten to smother me within my most venerable.
-Do you understand the difference between there, their, and they are generally?
-Does your phone automatically are amiss as soon as you cross state lines? Especially when you cross said lines along with your male friends.
-Are you allergic to expressing almost any emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?
-Are you in the special strain of drunk that believes when you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen?
-Are you thinking of ceasing all grooming and efforts towards your appearance the 2nd we are in a very relationship? This includes, but is not on a: gaining excess levels of weight, infrequent bathing, and refusing to completely clean clothing unless they emit noxious odor.
-Have you ever been fired for drinking practical? Um, please just refuse.
-Have you ever been incarcerated. If so, present and for what duration? This unfortunately, on my own part, can be not necessarily grounds for dismissal.
-Do you habitually pick fights with buffer/large categories of men?
-Do you might have to wake before 9:00? If so, do you think you’re capable of being super-duper-freaking quiet to ensure that I do not awake and they are forced to inflict harm upon you?
-Do you think that my friends are cute and angelic? Do you still think my pals are adorable if they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and become a sweetheart for them at all times or suffer the effects. And they will be dire. Is that okay?
-This should also apply for our kids. Hope ya don’t mind.
-My ears are certainly sensitive and I surely cannot pay attention to music that’s not exceptionally enjoyable to me. Will that certainly be a problem?
This is precisely why I am single. For real.